Yesterday during the second day of convention for the Soroptimist International of the America’s, I heard the inspiring story of a remarkable young woman – Talia Leman the Iowa teenager who has become the founder and CEO of her own nonprofit (www.randomkid.org).
Talia was the recipient of this year’s Violet Richardson award from Soroptimist, a non-profit womens service organization dedicated to improving the lives of women and girls in local communities and around the world. Soroptimist believes that by acknowledging young women volunteer involvement now, they will grow up to be vital active members of the community. The Violet Richardson Award honors young women between the ages of 14 and 17 for volunteer action such as fighting drugs, crime and violence, cleaning up the environment and working to end discrimination and poverty.
Talia’s vision is to take the goodness of the child and turn it into goodness for the world by helping kids help others.Through RandomKid she helps kids to become innovative and successful world problem-solvers, which will secure a better fate for our world now, and into the future. Through the collective power of kids, Talia and her motivated organization of youth have raised more than $10,000,000 and have funded life saving projects around the globe. (read about the current projects that kids are getting involved with)
Talia’s actions and results are impressive by any measure, but they are even more remarkable when you consider her young age. This woman certainly has found her purpose and is mobilizing others into a powerful new community of world problem solvers. In her acceptance speech that was read at the Soroptimist “Living Your Dreams” award luncheon yesterday, Talia shared some of her guiding principles and core beliefs which I have paraphrased below. They are good reminders for ALL of us – young and old.
“The more people who BELIEVE that they can make a difference, the more powerful that difference is. After seeing the power of kids, I want to be someone who cares about the success of our planet, not just the success of ourselves. Small efforts matter most because success is the end result of an accumulation of actions. I want to be someone who believes in the power of anyone!”
Check back tomorrow for my third and final post from San Francisco where I am attending the 41st biennial convention of the Soroptimist International of the Americas. – Kathy McAfee
Today I had the remarkable opportunity to listen to the powerful message of investigative reporter and author Victor Malarek, author of The Johns: sex for sale and the men who buy it. Victor was the keynote speaker at the 41st biennial convention of the Soroptimist International of the Americas, which I attended as a delegate of my Farmington Valley CT club (SIFV).
In a passionate and well documented fact-based presentation, Victor redefined prostitution from the common belief as the world’s oldest professional to the reality as the world’s oldest oppression.
The “Flesh Trade” as it is known is a $32 billion industry that enslaves an estimated 2.5 million women, girls and boys. Trapped in a living hell for which there is seemingly no escape, these victims are tricked, trapped, beaten, raped, drugged, threatened and dehumanized to a commodity to be bought and sold for the pleasure of men.
Human trafficking is the 21st century slavery…and it is happening to millions of women, girls and boys around the world. It is happening is every community in the world, including the United States, including where you live.
Victor Malarek’s book The Johns takes a look at this global, social epidemic which has been escalating in carnage to new proportions since the onset of the Internet. Victor made a strong case to end this senseless crime by fighting it form the demand side, rather than the supply side.
Rather than prosecuting the women involved in prostitution, Malarek suggests that we prospect the buyers of sex – the men, or Johns, as they are known.
In his research, Malarek uncovered that the buyers of sex are in many cases, ordinary men who are under delusions that what they are doing is their right and that women they pay cash for sex choose this lifestyle willingly. These men are are being duped by myth, lies and propaganda supported by a huge and powerful illegal sex trade and old boys network. “It has never been cool to admit that you have to pay for sex as a man,” says Malarek, but plenty of men do it. Men who are married and men who are in relationships with other women. Men who are fathers and brothers. CEOs, judges, police officers, United Nation peace keepers. They are the Charlie Sheens of the world, the Hugh Grants, and former New York governor Eliot Spitzer – men of means, education and influence. Men who have the cash to buy and use what they want including women and children. They are regular businessmen who travel on business and engage in local R&R when traveling abroad, or even when traveling around the USA. Only R&R no longer means rest and relaxation; its means rape and ruin.
Repeatedly, Victor Malarek told an audience of 1,500 Soroptimists, whose mission is to help to improve the lives of women in girls in our local communities and around the world, that “Johns don’t want to hear it. They don’t want to face the harsh realities of their nocturnal behaviors and urges.” In what is quickly becoming worldwide sexual assault on women, Mr. Malarek boldly states that this is nothing short of sexual terrorism.
Legalizing will make it worse, much worse
Perhaps the most illuminating part of today’s disturbing presentation was the enlightenment on the debate in the USA to legalize prostitution. Pro-lobby groups propose that legalizing prostitution will make it safer for women, by creating a safer “work place” and by reducing harm. Such an insane legislative move would only further ensnare women and girls and lock them into a living hell now known as legalized sexual slavery. Prostitution is by all measures the most dangers job on the planet – with its victims being routinely subjected to beatings, rape,verbal and sexual abuse, robbery, and even murder. Who on earth would choose this as a career “choice?” Who are we kidding? Who are we hurting?
Legalized prostitution has been a disaster in the three countries where it is legalized: Australia, Germany and Holland. Malarek outlined disturbing before/after changes in these countries that clearly implied that the problems got worse, not better. “It has been a colossal failure” Malarek announced. Rather, countries of the world should look to Sweden as a beacon of hope and a model of tackling this enormous social problem. Sweden has made it a crime to buy or use sex. They are prosecuting the Johns, the men who use their cash to purchase and abuse prostituted women, girls and boys. The Swedish government is arresting the men who pay to rape women and girls. More work in remains to be done in Sweden, but their commitment is clear. Sweden is sending a strong message to the world” In Sweden, women and children are NOT for sale.”
What can you do to solve this problem?
Malarek recommends a number of actions that each and every one of us can take to reduce this problem and help save the lives and dignity of millions of women and girls around the world.
Raise your voice. Say “NO!” to the movement to legalize prostitution. Call your local government official and let him/her know that it has been a disaster in countries like Australia, Germany and Holland. Showcase what Sweden has done and the positive changes they have seen with their demand-side strategic approach to solving this problem.
Start talking to your boys and young men about sex and the underlying core issues of gender equality, respect and dignity for all. Ask them how they would feel if their mothers, sisters, girlfriends, best friends were subjected to sexual slavery, beatings and rapes on a daily basis. Open their eyes to what is really going on and how to make a better choice for themselves and others. There are many consequences and outcomes from having sex, among them are the known ones such as pregnancy, disease, pleasure and feeling. But there are more horrific forces at play here: violence, dehumanization, terror and crimes against women.
Develop a new curriculum for Sexual Education. We need to move beyond the functional discussion about the penis and the vagina and how babies are made and what happens during puberty. Boys are being exposed to XXX porn – the violent graphic type of video violence against women – at ages as young as 7, 8 and 9. Teach our young people about the the moral and social responsibilities they have towards themselves and other people, including women and girls.
Education and rehabilitation of men who participate in the buying of sexual services. Malarek told us about an innovative new form of rehabilitation called John Schools. Similar to traffic schools, when you get caught for buying sex from a prostitute, men are sent to John Schools where they get a sobering education on the real impact of their actions. Here’s what the men get to hear during their wake-up call at the John School: from escaped prostitutes who were subjected to perverted fantasies of men with money (and what these women thought of these men), from male nurses with slides shows depicting the gross diseases you can contract (and pass on) during your nocturnal parades, from attorneys who have represented men accused of statuary rape unaware that their prostitutes were 14 year old girls, not women.
Vote with your dollars. Boycott newspapers, media and web sites that advertise escort services, porn or other sex trade offerings. This includes www.CraigsList.org – one of the biggest web site advertisers of prostitutes. Cancel your subscriptions and cancel your advertising plans. Let the media owners know why you are doing this. You object to their complicit acceptance of ads and promotion that furthers violence and enslavement of women and girls.
For corporations, amend your code of conduct and travel policy to clearly prohibit participation in prostitution and visitation to brothels in local and foreign countries. Redefine your policies on client and employee hospitality to specifically prohibit the offering of sexual services as gifts and entertainment. Make the penalty for such behavior immediate dismissal and loss of privileges. Create a stiff deterrent for any employees who would-be Johns. Take your sexual harassment policy to this next level of clarity and no tolerance. Enforce this at all levels of the organization – including CEO and board level.
It’s time to wake up to the reality of this worldwide epidemic of sexual slavery of women, girls and children. It’s time that you take the first step and educate yourself on this critically important issue. It’s time to take action to stop human trafficking!
Last night I attended a special workshop on ground defense for women taught by Master David Harms. This smiling man shown in the photo to the right has been practicing martial arts since he was an adolescent. Master Harms, now a 5th degree black belt in the art of Tae Kwon Do and a brown belt in the martial art of Judo, is passionate about empowering women to be strong, confident and able to defend themselves. He take it very seriously and motivates all of us to do the same.
This was perhaps the best and most important class that I’ve ever taken. Why? Because I was able to “feel the fear and do it anyway.”
I have always worried about the possibility of being thrown to the ground. This classic rape position sends fear to most women that I know. I worry about falling down and hurting myself and worse yet, being in this most vulnerable position. As a result of this fear, I have done my best to avoid even practicing these scenarios or thinking about what I would do in this potential situation. Tonight, in this safe, training environment, I couldn’t wiggle out of it. It was time to conquer my fear and learn how truly powerful I am.
Master Harms first set us up with a few bits of reality about violent attacks against women. Most attacks will end up on the ground at some point or another, he suggested. He emphasized how important it is to keep a cool head during an attack. “You must think while you are falling,” he reminded us. “You want to land in a good position to defend yourself.”
The worst position and how to correct it
The worst position you can ever be in is face down with your legs and arms flat on the ground. (see photo on right). You have no strength or power to defend yourself. If you find yourself in this position, you want to find a way to flip over and face your attacker. You want your legs and arms in the defensive position, with one knee up between you and your attacker.
Flip over and face your attacker
Here’s a video from Chemin Alldredge demonstrating how to keep your guard up while on the ground using your legs and hands in the defensive position. This position gives you great visibility and power to drive back your attacker, until such time as you can get up and run away. If you attacker has you on the ground and is close to your face and chest, this defensive position is your best shot. Unlike a turtle on her back, you can be strong and fierce in this position!
Forget the ladylike behavior – it’s time to get fierce
Master Harms had us practice using loud, tiger like growls and grunts during our defensive rounds. We practiced shouted “No – Back Off.” He encouraged us to use profanity – those four-letter words that we have been told for decades are not polite to use in public. This is hard for some women – to find their voice and to let their inner-warrior out. I can’t emphasize enough how critical this is to potentially saving your life. Click through to our web page “Learn to Defend Yourself” and watch the video from Dr. Ruthless – a small petite, unassuming woman who has found her voice and is empowering other women to fight back and win.
Turning the Tables on Your Attacker
The goal in your self defense is to turn the tables on your attacker; to shift your position from victim to defender to attacker. The bad guy will be very surprised by the fierceness of your response and very sorry that he choose you to pick on.
Here’s a photo series that shows how a woman being attacked can flip over and change her outcome. Black Belt Kathleen Oyanadel is playing the role of the attacker in this simulation.
What will you do next?
The hardest part about hosting a free women’s self defense workshop is actually getting the women and girls to show up. You’d think it would be a no-brainer. The price is right. It’s fun and empowering. It’s important to know how to do. So, what’s the deal? Why do women shy away from this kind of work? This is the perfect opportunity to face your fear and do it anyway – and to learn how to do it in a safe, supportive, training environment. Don’t wait until it’s too late. You must take action and learn to defend yourself now. You must come from a place of strength!
Check out these photos of women and teen girls who have attended our women self defense workshops in the past. Young or old, all women can learn to defend themselves! Click through to see our photos.
About Us
We are students of Yu's Academy of Martial Arts in Connecticut. We want to help empower more women and girls by teaching them how they can keep themselves strong, safe and confident through basic self defense training. We are working with the women of Soroptimist to bring this important service project to our community. We hope that you'll join us for an upcoming womens self defense workshop.
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Soroptimist International of the Americas
is a non-profit, volunteer women’s service organization dedicated to improving the lives of women and girls in our local community and around the world
Yu's Academy of Martial Arts
offers training and classes in Tae Kwon Do, Judo and Hapkido. Located in Canton and Simsbury, Connecticut. Call (860) 693-0025
